Why PBS Shows Are For Kids
by Sailor Fantasy
Summary: Duo and co. discover the importance of PBS children based shows... Light yaoi, Duo x Wufei, hinted Heero x Wufei x Duo, light Trowa x Quatre. One-shot.


Why PBS Shows Are For Kids

By Sailor Fantasy

Disclaimer: Do I write like a rich anime/manga producer/author? I didn't think so.

Summary: Duo and co. discover the importance of PBS children based shows... Light yaoi, Duo x Wufei, hinted Heero x Wufei x Duo, light Trowa x Quatre. One-shot.

Pairings: Duo x Wufei, hinted Heero x Wufei x Duo, light Trowa x Quatre.

AN: Ah. Well, none. Except join my group— YaoiBishies, on yahoo, kay? I'd really appreciate it! It will appear on my profile shortly, so don't forget to join!

Warnings: Corny, in some spots. Humor. Quatre daydreaming. Heero and Quatre slightly OOC. T.V. abuse. My first One-shot, and official yaoi. Yay.

Quote of the Update: I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

* * *

It was a normal day in the Winner Mansion...

Well, as normal as five gundam pilots living under one roof could get.

"Oooowwwww 'Fei! Leggoleggoleggoleggoleggo!!!"

In the living room, a roaring fire glowed, enlightening the dark features of one Trowa Barton, who was currently reading the 'Daily Gundam' in a rather large expensive looking velvet lounge chair. Beside him, preferring the hard wood floor over everything else comfy, including the carpeted floor near the couch, sat Heero Yuy in his normal spandex attire, wisping over old missions on his laptop, once in a while glaring at the screen as if blaming it for the lack of missions.

"Oomph! MAXWELL!!! Stay still, braided baka!"

Sprawled on the couch and being ignored by the other four occupants as usual, owner of the entire estate Quatre Rabarba Winner sat eyes wide, blood trickling down from his nose from the actions his two other fellow gundam pilots, who were basically wrestling on the floor for the remote. But from his point of view, he could've sworn that they were.........

Well, **_you_** know...

"Not everyone wants to see 'Kata Training 101: Katanas Are Your Friends' Wu-man! Let someone else pick out the channel for once!"

"So you can fill up all of our heads with your weak anime mush? At least you are learning something!"

It wasn't that Quatre was a yaoi pervert or anything, but being the most normal out of all the gundam pilots did have some of their less than pleasing perks....

Such as, the awareness of hormones. Especially when the said two gundam pilots were wrestling with nothing but bathing trunks on.

Duo cried out as Wufei pounced on him from behind. "AHHHHH! My braid! My braid!"

Wufei smirked in pure triumph. "Ah ha! I've found your ultimate weakness, Maxwell! Now hand over the remote before I cut off your dishonorable braid!"

Quatre blushed even more, and for some odd reason, could not get the words of pacifism off his tongue at the moment, as per usual he would. Perhaps it was because he was getting his kicks off of this, wanting to join them on the floor and strip them of the rest of their clothes and....

Wooh, boy. He really needed to stop hanging around Duo so much!

'Think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts, Dorothy in a bathing suit, Noin in the playboy mansion, Relena in a G-string...' ranted Quatre in his mind, pinching his eyes closed so he wouldn't be exposed to the outside hentai-ness beyond his eyes. 'Treize in a ballerina suit, Zechs in his boxers, Duo hot and heavy in his Gundam while making out with Wufei....err...think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts...'

Well, that was going rather nicely.

But before he could continue more echii thoughts of DuoxWufei action, a gunshot shrieked throughout the room, landing not nearly an inch from Duo's head. The braided boy squeaked before passing out. Wufei let out a triumphant roar, but before he could retrieve the much desired remote from Duo's loosened hand, another bullet through the floor near his own hand stopped him.

"Stop right there," the monotonous voice started, speaker standing up from the floor as he aimed the gun skillfully with one hand. "Or omae o koruso."

"Yuy! You too!?" cried out Wufei, arms still wrapped around a fainted Duo from behind. On the couch, Quatre watched through dazed eyes, unconsciously daydreaming—or was it wetdreaming?—about some Heero and Wufei sandwich, with Duo in the middle....

"Hand it over, Wufei," Heero coldly instructed, making his way towards the three other gundam pilots. The pilot of Shenlong glared at him. "Hayaku," Heero prompted, holding out his hand. "'Pimp My Ride' is about to come on."

"'Pimp My Ride'!?" Wufei shrieked, promptly letting go of Duo and causing the unconscious boy land on the floor. "Injustice! What is this madness!?"

Heero gave him no answer, but the .44 magnum in his hand sure said enough. Lifting up his hand to pass over the remote, both were surprised when another hand reached up to swipe it. Both looked up to see none other but Duo, smiling manically, and looking as if he had never fainted at all.

"Ha ha, losers! Finders keepers, losers weepers!" he chortled, all the while making his way around the couch Quatre happened to be drooling on.

"Maxwell! Injustice!" yelled Wufei, hopping up and on the chase, inwardly relieved at the small chance of not having to suffer through some pop established show. Who knew the perfect soldier enjoyed the bubblegum scenery of the MTV kind? Wufei shivered, hoping with all his might that Relena had not rubbed off on Heero. Afterall, they already had one crazy American in the house, they did not need a plastic, antisocial, 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' one as well.

"Duo!" roared Heero, also giving in chase, waving his .44 magnum like a maniac. Quatre chose to ignore all, and ponder about how much flavored lube it would take to cover Duo's whole entire...

Well, we'll let you write in the blanks for **_that_** one.

Duo, however, was too busy wondering how much it would hurt to go crashing through a window to see the foot that was put purposely in his path. Tripping ceremoniously onto the hard wood floor, Duo landed face-first on the hard wooden floor, causing Wufei to land on him, and Heero to land on top of **_him_**. The remote flew up from Duo's hands and into a stoic Trowa's, who caught it with undefined grace. Quatre was too busy tending to a severe nosebleed to notice who caught the remote. Damn it, he was too innocent for these types of thoughts!

Trowa Barton stood stiffly, frowning in disprovement at the trio and the mess they made. "What is wrong with you three?" he quietly demanded, green eye—yes, eye, not eyes—narrowing down at them. "You are offered a place to stay and this is how you treat it?" He let his hand gracefully sweep towards the messy living room and the very distorted Quatre. And speaking of Quatre... a forest green eye flickered to blushing aqua. "Are you all right, Quatre?" Trowa asked, a light tone of concern in his voice.

"Fine!" came the extremely squeaky reply as he tried to hide his face and his err, pants from Trowa's daunting eye. "Extremely well, thank you for asking come again soon and have a nice day!"

Trowa raised one eyebrow, but didn't comment anymore. Twirling the remote in his hand with expertise only a knife thrower could have, Trowa glanced back at his fellow teammates, who were now struggling to stand up. Heero had apparently lost his gun somewhere under the lounge chair when he had tripped, reason to why he hadn't shot Trowa yet, and was now desperately searching for it. Lifting the remote dramatically, Trowa posed with hand on hip and remote pointed towards the television. The three boys watched in horror as Trowa pressed two buttons, and turned their eyes towards the T.V as it flicked to another channel. Duo's scream of horror told all about what was on the horrid screen. It was...it was...it was...

"—PBS kids!" the screen sang childlike. Wufei joined in the screaming.

"Not that, anything but that!" wailed Duo, holding onto Wufei with all his might.

"INJUSTICE! This is a dishonorable way to torture us, Barton!" cried Wufei, holding back onto Duo. Heero paled considerably, but other than that, he did not one thing...

Well, okay, he did mutter one soft "omae o koruso, Trowa', but I swear that was it. Quatre's eyes just widened a bit, but who was he to complain about his favorite T.V. channel other than Playboy?

"Perhaps this will teach you children how to share," Trowa bit out—quietly, of course—while sitting back into his chair and turning back to his favorite newspaper. Duo turned, slowly, towards Wufei, a horrified look on his face.

"Wufei," he whispered, voice trembling with fear as another PBS commercial came onto the television. "What time is it?"

Wufei snarled "What does it mean to you, Maxwell?"

Duo's eyes glanced quickly towards the television, then back to Wufei. Urgently, Duo whispered, "Wufei, no time! What time is it?"

Wufei looked at his watch, frowning. "05 seconds to 1000 hours. Why?"

Before Duo could let out a horrified howl, a song interrupted him. "La la la la! La la la la! Elmo's World! Hmm hmm hmm!"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!"

"La la la la! La la la la! Elmo's World! Hmm hmm hmm!"

"What is this injustice?!" Wufei screeched, hopping up, katana in hand from who knows where.

"Elmo loves his goldfish—"

Trowa's lip twitched as Duo fainted onto the floor once more, eyes creating little swirlies.

"His crayon too! And THAT'S Elmo's Worl–!"

A gunshot rang, and only a telltale hole in the television and the sudden cutoff in the high pitched song told where the bullet went. Gun smoking, Heero looked from over his beloved, panting from his spot on the floor. From the looks of his position, one could've guessed he had rolled under the chair, and flipped over the coffee table to stand up and shoot. But, knowing Yuy, you never really knew.

Quatre stared at the T.V., a frown on his face. "....I wonder if that has insurance. What am I supposed to do now, Trowa? I don't feel like getting up to go to a new room just to watch T.V." He was whining, and he didn't care. It wasn't his fault that the rest of friends couldn't catch a clue—how many times would it take for them to realize they could never occupy the same room and agree to a channel? They were friends, yes, but how friendly could you get without killing the other over the remote?

Sighing, and finally admitting that he was never going to find time to read all of his paper by the end of the morning with now even his blonde friend bothering him, he folded his paper into fourths and stood, calmly striding over towards Quatre. Taking the blonde by his collar, he dragged Quatre out of the living room and towards his bedroom. Quatre blushed.

"Ah, Trowa? What about–?"

"Barton!" Wufei roared. "Injustice! What are we to do in our own boredom?! Winner has all the keys to the rest of the bedrooms, and Maxwell is bound to get up some time during the next five minutes!"

"Do each other," Trowa called out blandly, dragging Quatre around the corner. "The lube is in the dresser by the lamp. This way, you can be on top with Duo for once, and you can finally have a threesome with Heero." Grinning at the sputtered curses Wufei was spewing, Trowa entered his bedroom, Quatre in tow. "If that doesn't satisfy you, you're always welcome to join me and Quatre as his uke!"

"Injustice!"

And in the corner, Duo snored.

The End.

Horrible, I know. Just review, please.


End file.
